On dreams..

I had to live and learn for many years to come full circle. To get back to my inner child again. When I think about myself at first grade, I realize that I loved everything about me. I loved my excitement and my wacky dreams for the future. That was what I had lost over the years. My purpose.

Somehow our dissapointments over the years may cause us to lose faith in ourselves. How many people are there in this world who are actually doing their dream job? How many people can say "If I were to be born again, I would chose exactly the same path that I have chosen in my current life"? As we are growing up, some things happen that cause us to give up our dreams to become an astronaut or whatever it was that you've wanted to become. We move towards the more "mainstream" values and give up our dreams because we had become someone who thinks that we're not good enough to pursue them or that the "right conditions" are not there. We mistreat ourselves because we have been mistreated by others in the past. We choose to keep up with this tradition. I remember that in high school, people's main way of feeling good about themselves was making others feel bad about themselves. Every single thing that other people do or say about you sends a signal to you about what kind of a person you are. This might cause you to either open up to the possibilities in front of you or move away from them towards what seems to be available at the time. Most get caught up in the latter and turn out to be ignorant, indifferent human beings. For the love of God, don't base your worth on what other people say, do, think about you. The first person from whom you need encouragement is you.

I had visited some relatives over the holidays and what I can remember the most vividly from that time is the livelihood of my cousin's two year old son. The way he was so ready to suck every information like a sponge, the way he wanted to know everything and got so excited with every single bit of attention, is the way we all used to be when we were little kids. Then something happened along the way and we lost the excitement with the so called self-constructed "pain", "emotions", "stress" etc. I'm starting to to get my wacky dreams back, and I will do everything I can to pursue them. I'm slowly getting in touch the overexcited 7 year old girl inside me and it's feeling really good. I don't want to be a ballerina anymore but I have an image of the wacky dreams I want to pursue. I hope that everyone gets to have a dream they can pursue with passion. Because it's the second best thing you can possess, the first being your life.