Geez. I can't believe it's been almost two weeks since the last time I posted here. It doesn't mean I've been slacking off though. I had been doing an equal amount of thinking and slightly less feeling.
I had gone to the movies, alone, yesterday and the feeling of lonliness suddenly struck me. I found myself thinking how pathetic I am walking alone like this, having no one to go to the movies with. (I actually prefer going to the movies alone by the way). There was this condescending voice in my head telling me how things are supposted to be like. I know to whom the voice belongs. It belongs to the all the wrong signals and conditioning that I'm getting from the media, ignorant people around me etc. From all the subtext implying that the more people around me, the happier I will be. Everybody believes this religiously. Being alone is on par with being miserable and destitute. Of course it's fun to go out with friends but why can't I let myself have fun when I go out to do things alone? I think that it's more difficult to learn how to have fun by yourself than with other people. You obviously don't spend your entire time with others but you're obligated to spend your entire life with yourself. That's why you have to make an effort to like yourself, enjoy your own company and have the guts to face yourself with all your strengths and weaknesses. Many times I've heard people say that they're scared to travel or do things alone because it makes them start thinking!! They want to avoid thinking because when they do, they will think that they are lonely, thus pathetic losers, that nobody loves them and they should be pitied. They will think about what they're doing wrong. Isn't this what the consumerist culture tells you to do? "Don't think. We will do the thinking for you. We know what's best for you and we'll tell you what to do. Do as we say, but don't think, don't scrutinize."
Everyone is responsible for his own life. Those who claim that loneliness is pathetic can be the cowardest, the weakest of all because they're nothing when left to themselves. Their sense of self depends on other people which I find very sad.
At least, I'm learning to cope with difficult things. That way I will know how to appreciate a genuine company and to hold on to it not because of desperation but because of love and respect. I may have to be alone sometimes but so does everyone, so I'm not alone.
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3 comments:
Oh, by the way I'm not contradicting myself my saying "those who claim to need others the least are the cowardest of all". This is in a totally different context. We need other people, no man is an island. We need love, we need to learn to trust and share life with others. But we don't have to hate ourselves because of being left alone sometimes. "They" might want you to do that, but it's ok and it can be fun.
This is an awesome post and relevant to all of us. Also, I think "they" don't exist. Everyone is confused. It appears as if there is a "they" because people look to other people for guidance, who are just as confused, so there emerges a unified entity of confusion from which some of these confused people make money.
I love it when you said "unified entity of confusion". :) What a way to look at masses!! I believe that
"they" don't exist in certain cases and they do in some others. For example, for fashion, body image issues etc. there is a more visible "they" then there is for the mentioned perception of being "lonely" or cultural customs.
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