It's one of those nights again.. I cannot bring myself to sleep. I had started reading this book called "Buddhism For Busy People" which is apparently supposed to be a crash course into Buddhism. After reading a few pages, I got overwhelmed again by the 100th realization of the fact that the things we think will make us happy are of no avail. There are very few people in this world who are truly happy. Those who are rich, those who are poor, those who are beautiful, those who are ugly, those who are well educated, those who are illiterate, those who've had plastic surgery, those who haven't -yet- (haha), those with lovers, those without, those that are sexually promiscuous, those who are not, those with loving parents and those without, religious people, atheists, those who cheat and those who don't.. all kinds of people.. They share one thing in common: They are never truly happy.. There is always a need to have more. People embark on one quest after another, without even getting a chance to cherish what they have in their hands. Nothing, at least nothing "temporary" satifies people. But what is there to life that is not temporary? Isn't the life itself temporary ? Then what's the point of all this rush? What's the point of being an economist/a web designer/an anthropologist etc.? What's the point of becoming?
I know that I'm here for a reason. There must be a purpose to my existence. However I cannot seem to have a clue about what it is. What is my mission? What am I here for? Maybe life is all about the search and not the answer. But does that mean happiness is never attainable?
I just want to be. Get to know myself. Feel the immensity of my soul.
Right now, I want to take myself to a pleasantly hot summer night, when I'm lying on the divan at the balcony of our summer house. Where the sea is entirely still and you can hear nothing but the sound of the fireflies. When the full moon is hypnotizing and the azure of the night encompasses every living soul. I see myself truly existing. My thoughts are still like the sea. I complement the universe yet I'm so complete within myself. Love manifests it omnipresence and I feel grateful for being a part of this divine creation. I close my eyes with a subtle smile on my face, looking gracious with the bliss of having fullfilled the purpose of my existence. Can this ever come true?
9 comments:
I think if you published your blog on paper it would sell :)
Happiness has something of goodness in it, so it is a good sign that you are doing something right. But it is nothing more than that. If I could live a good life without ever being happy, I would be satisfied. I think people have confused these two types of happiness and that is why they are constantly dissatisfied.
And unhappiness can be *good* too, because it makes you think, it makes you question and awaken. Running after happiness all your life is a good way to waste it.
Buddhism's ultimate goal seems to be to experience and to become the beauty of the universe, which it deems to be ultimate happiness. This approach, though guided by goodness and beauty, is very passive and hypnotizing; it preaches indifference. For me, indifference is on par with death. While it's very reasonable not to let your feelings take over your life, ignoring them completely will only deprive you of a good gauge as to which way to go, a good source of enthusiasm and drive, of productivity, and so on. Satisfaction can be a pitiful state of being if all it does is make you sleep.
More on Buddhism: The idea that getting rid of pain and suffering by understanding that it is all part of a harmonious universal flux, though it may seem deep, is simply a state of denial. Pain and suffering, no matter where you put them, are still pain and suffering. Pretending that once they disappear life will be all good is just incorrect. How could life even exist without them? Life's struggle against pain, its determination to survive and produce, is beautiful. How could life even have meaning without them?
I think that the more alive you are, the closer you are to your "mission." So even by just living, you are doing the right thing. The more flowers blossom inside and around you, the closer you are to life.
These analogies are making me sound like a hippie.
Thank you for your comments. I'm actually not suggesting that Budhism is the key to happiness; I know very little about it myself. What I've read in the beginning of the book just kindled these thoughts in my head, that's all. I presume that there might be different approaches to Budhism which do not "preach indifference". But your point that unhappiness can be good too is a very good one. All your feelings are there to give you some signals as to what you are doing wrong, as opposed to "what's wrong with you". Similarly, they cannot be ignored; it is much better to let them exist and feel them rather than try to avoid them. If you set them aside and pretend that they don't or shouldn't exist, you end up harming yourself by ignoring the signals that your mind is sending you. I'm not suggesting however that you need to act according to whatever you feel and do things that can be detrimental to other people, even to yourself. I'm just supporting your point that pain should be felt. Then, you can question if it is possible to change the underlying premise that triggered the pain, and what you can do to change it.
One other thing: You've made me realise that I didn't really mean happiness when saying "happiness". Happiness is something that can be constasted by an oposing feeling, i.e. unhappiness. Many feelings have opposites in the same manner. What I mean by happiness is more like a state of being rather than a feeling. You can have its absence but you cannot really have its opposite. It is something that is present in your life no matter how you are feeling or no matter how you are, period. The budhists call it "bliss" but it also has an antonynm, "misery". Maybe I should call it "peace of mind" but it really doesn't matter. It is some kind of power that, despite the "conditions" of your life, enables you to find joy in the moment without feeling obligated to be constantly doing something different with your life.
from what i understand, you are implying the opposite of obsessive dissatisfaction (or something), as opposed to praising complete satisfaction, which halts lively activity of an external sort. i think (a major view of) buddhism deifies this external inactivity because it's supposed to make your internal life blossom or something like that. that's what i was criticizing.
it's like, your state of being is not what really matters. what matters is for you to try your best. buddhism is obsessed with the spiritual and emotional states of living things, and the perfection of them. in truth, this is exaggerated, your "happiness" is not an end in itself but a means to doing something with your life that is worthwhile.
Hana o nomi
Matsuran hito ni
Yamazato no
Yukima no kusa mo
Haru o misebaya.
To those who wait
Only for flowers
Show them a spring
Of grass amid the snow
In a mountain village.
Fujiwara no Ietaka
I see your point and I agree with you on the fact that indifference is similar to death, yet at this stage I feel that I'm not qualified to make comments about what the objective of Budhism is. The poem, however, is beautiful.
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