My new definition of beauty...

I have been writing a lot on the topic of beauty lately. I guess it's because I had developed a very mainstream understanding of beauty starting from a very young age and let my perfectionistic ideals destroy my life in many ways. Some of you might have thought that I have finally reached the pinnacle of narcissism after reading my So I'm beautiful, now what? post but I actually began to think that way mainly because my definition of beauty has changed. I don't think I have changed much in the physical sense. Plus, I don't think that thinking that you are beautiful is something narcissistic; it is something that everyone is entitled to. My perception of beauty has changed not only in terms of what I think of myself but what I think of other people as well.

Without further ado, I would like to share with you the "before and after" of my understanding of beauty.

Until the end of my college years (and several months following graduation) the equation engraved into my brain was something like this:

BEAUTY (in this case female beauty) = tall slim body + thin long legs with lengthy muscles (no fat on the tights - absolutely a visual faux pas) + a head full of long black curly hair + big eyes with long eyelashes (preferably blue or black) + cheekbones! + a small face + small feet + smooth clear skin + and a "figure 8" shaped body (whatever that is).

And this is the new equation after much reading, thinking and feeling:

BEAUTY = Health + Cleanliness + Self esteem

Even right now, it can still be hard for me to entirely have faith in the second equation. It's probably because I still lack the self confidence to stick with my own values as opposed to those of popular culture. When somebody tells me or implies (or talks behind back back) that I'm not a very "presentable" person, I still take their word for it and instantly reject the beliefs that I base my identity on.

This gives birth to my very own obsession:

"If I could just be beautiful".

If I could just be beautiful...
I would have:
the right friends
the right parents
the right job
the right grades
and love and respect from those around me

I would have everything that I'd like to have...
I would have a life.

No wonder you think you get very little respect from your surroundings because you don't respect yourself. You have to show yourself some respect first before expecting to receive it from other people. Then, you won't have to ask for it in the first place.

Now, when I look back, I realize that the hell I gave myself for my appearance has prevented me from establishing many meaningful things in my life. When you think you're born a loser, you don't get much inspiration to try new things or even to try just a little harder without loosing your hope and encouragement. "Everyone thinks you're ugly anyway, so you're gonna have make an extra effort to make yourself liked by those around you, right?". NO! I don't want this to be so any longer.

Now to me physical beauty comes from taking care of your body, cleaning and nourishing and being nice to it and making the best effort to remain healthy.

There is also another aspect of beauty that cannot be seen but can be felt. It comes from the sense you give to other people about how you feel about yourself, being confident in your own skin, emitting positive energy and optimism, being able to count on yourself and having faith in your potential.

If you can get all these together in one package, nobody would ever call you an ugly person. (and what would matter if they did?)

Now I understand that as long as I respect my body, which is able to carry out amazing tasks for my benefit, and take care of it so that I can use it most efficiently in the journey of reaching my goals, becoming a leader and benefiting the world - making a difference, I will lead a happy life. I wouldn't need anyone to tell me that they find me attractive or beautiful or sexually appealing.

If there comes a moment in my life when I become convinced that I can no longer benefit the world, then my life would cease to exist at that moment. That is what I dread - not being ugly.